Auntie Eve

"I'll put my hand around my face to pretend that my face is that small."

In a recent Chinese New Year gathering, a relative in her 50s told us that she got a face-lift after spending a fortune. Her skin looked firm and glowy. Her wrinkles were gone. The other women in the bunch gasped at her reclaimed youth and started wondering if they should do the same. Sitting next to them was a group of uncles between the age of 30-70. They were wearing slippers, talking and laughing loudly with their beer bellies shaking. They talked about the government and the economy like all uncles do. None of them gave a shit about botox. Some of them are getting bald but they probably think they look like Jason Statham.

Then somebody proposed to take a group photograph, the women started taking out their mirrors, busy applying lipstick and checking their hair.

None of them wanted to stand on the front row. "My face is prettier on the left side so I will stand here." "Lift your arm like this so it won't look fat." "Wait, is my hair okay?" etc etc. Of course I was one of them. I care a lot about how I look.

Then we looked at the photos. The women started saying, "Gosh I look fat." "My hair should have been this way." etc etc. And the men? They didn't care. My dad, as always, thought he is the most handsome man in the world.

As most of my girlfriends are entering the big 3-0, I could feel the stress and insecurity among us. One specific example is they refuse to be called Auntie, because it makes them feel old and anxious. But rationally speaking, what else do you call a woman in her 30s? Jie jie? Leng lui?

Note: Adult + female friend.

Age is not just a number, especially for women. It defines a woman's worth and success. The commercials, dramas and social media are all trying to tell you how you should look and behave.

And then there is the concern of fertility. If you do not produce babies when you are 28-30, apparently you miss the golden opportunity of your lifetime. Of course this concept is supported by science, but in 2018, giving birth at this age is not super realistic. We might be busy building our careers, saving up for houses or some of us haven't even met the right guy yet. So what's the expectation for?

Three years ago, I wrote a post about feeling insecure in my mid-twenties. As you can see, I haven't fully figured out how to deal with it yet. But one thing I do realize is that the insecurity about aging will NEVER go away, the only thing we can do is to dance and make peace with the feelings. 

The balance comes from knowing that we do get old, and humans aren't meant to be flawless.

You might want to repeat this to yourself until you are hypnotized and convinced: 😂

I am good enough. I am perfect as I am. I am beautiful. I love myself.

29 and 92 years old.

The only woman I know who isn't insecure about her look is my 92-year-old grandma. She doesn't care if her arms look fat in photos. She can't remember her name. She doesn't even know if she's a man or a woman. Seriously, do we need to wait until then only we feel good about ourselves?

Some questions for you: Do you worry about getting older? Do you feel you are good enough? How much is enough?

I need to end this post here because I've got things to do. I'll be busy checking my face in the mirror and worrying about my pimples.

Have a good week!
- Eve ❁